Oppo Review: Colt 45 Pile Driver

"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002) 08/11/2017 at 12:35 • Filed to: None

4

26

Last night, my friend brought over a can of Colt 45 Pile Driver. We gave it a try, for science.

(Full disclosure: Pabst Brewing Company wanted me to try their flavored Colt 45 so bad, my friend received it for free. From one of his customers. I don’t know the details. I was already drinking.)

I will break this beverage down into five categories: Appearance, Smell, Flavor, Mouthfeel, and Value. 5 points for each category for a max score of 25. Let’s dive right in.

Appearance : It looks like carbonated tang. Bright orange, very little head, lots of bubbles. I actually like the artwork on the can. It balances the old style of a Colt 45 tallboy with a bit of new color. - 3/5

Smell : After pouring into a pint glass, the beverage assaults your nose with a violent inrush of artificial orange and malt. I do like citrus so I’ll give it a point. - 1/5

Flavor : The most important detail of a food or drink item. I had no idea what to expect, honestly. Well, except orange flavor. After looking at the drink in a glass and smelling it, I knew it would taste like orange. I just didn’t know how strong the orange flavor would be. In one (hyphenated) word: Over-powering. It tasted like the orange “beverage” sold in recycled milk jugs at grocery stores across the Midwest. I think Prairie Farms makes a variety. After you got past the initial shock of sugary orange flavor, you could definitely tell it was a malt beverage. Reminded me of Sparks or Four Loko. Depending on what you were after, it wasn’t toooo bad. Just very sugary and artificial. It was sweet enough you could mix it with bottom of the shelf, plastic bottled vodka and not notice. I love sweat desserts and other food, but I generally stay away from sugary beverages (balance, right?). I could only drink about a half pint of this before I threw in the towel. But, if you were wanting an alcoholic orange drank, this might be up your alley. - 2/5

Mouthfeel : It was pretty thick and syrupy with a ton of bubbles. It coated my entire mouth/lips with sugar worse than any drink I’ve had in the last 5 years. I licked my lips about 10 minutes after I stopped drinking and could still taste sugar. 0/5

Value : I think it retails around $3-4 for a tall can. The Pile Driver is under 6% ABV. For this amount of coin, I can think of better ways to get drunk. A not horrible fifth of vodka is around $1 a shot. I would rather have 4 shots or a mixed drink. However, if you want to assault your taste buds with sugary orangeness while getting buzzed, I can’t think of a better product. - -1/5

Overall : 7/25 (1.4/5)

Current rating on Beer Advocate: 1.38/5

Would Not Recommend.

E90M3 > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/11/2017 at 12:45

2

On the whole section on mouthfeel, does it feel better going down or coming back up?

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > E90M3 08/11/2017 at 12:56

1

Not enough data to report. I’ll have to keep one around for the next time I’m ham-sauced and a purge is imminent haha

boredalways > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/11/2017 at 13:01

2

Stick to the standards

/s

Jonee > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/11/2017 at 13:02

1

RallyWrench > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/11/2017 at 13:10

1

I’m surprised it made 1.38 on Beer Advocate, that drags everything else down.

Chariotoflove > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/11/2017 at 13:11

0

So, this is the mixer for kids looking to get shit faced on Friday night. Got it.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > boredalways 08/11/2017 at 13:11

0

*shudders*

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > RallyWrench 08/11/2017 at 13:14

0

I didn’t ready any of the reviews, I just saw the rating when I was (unsuccessfully) trying to find more pictures. Might make for an interesting afternoon if I get everything done early today.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Chariotoflove 08/11/2017 at 13:25

2

It’s not made to be a mixer, but it is sweet enough that it would work as such. But correct that this could be used as a tool in a shit faced tool box.

Stapleface > boredalways 08/11/2017 at 13:39

1

Holy shit that picture is glorious. It’s like the broke college dorm shopping list.

CKeffer > boredalways 08/11/2017 at 13:50

1

God, that picture is giving me flashbacks to the worst of my college hangovers, all it’s missing is a big ass plastic jug of the cheapest vodka available. *shudder*

nermal > Chariotoflove 08/11/2017 at 15:56

1

I bet it would be good mixed with vanilla vodka. Plus the extra alcohol will get you drunk faster.

Chariotoflove > nermal 08/11/2017 at 16:14

0

What I was thinking. A tool for people who don’t actually appreciate their liquor but want to get drunk with something palatable.

boredalways > CKeffer 08/11/2017 at 16:58

1

.

...those were the days!

CKeffer > boredalways 08/11/2017 at 17:06

2

Days that I do not miss.....well some of them I do, primarily because I can’t remember them.

wafflesnfalafel > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/11/2017 at 17:48

0

kinda like a Sunny D flavored Zima?

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > wafflesnfalafel 08/11/2017 at 18:07

0

Closer to Tang, but almost exactly!

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > nermal 08/11/2017 at 18:10

0

It was sooo sweet. I love vanilla and orange together (I make a mean dreamsicle cocktail) but I think it would be too much using this.

I’ve mixed booze with that not your father’s root-beer stuff. End results were good. Booze on booze.

Stef Schrader > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/12/2017 at 03:30

1

This doesn’t sound like it was saved by the buoyancy of citrus. Nope.

6691 zapS > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/13/2017 at 18:36

1

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/thrillist/ranking-the-top-5-bum-win_b_4610498.html

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Stef Schrader 08/14/2017 at 11:51

0

If it was a hint of citrus, like a summer shandy or other light ale, it might have been good. It was almost like the line worker dumped a drum of tang into the batch instead of a scoop. I would try it for the lolz though!

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > 6691 zapS 08/14/2017 at 11:53

0

Flashbacks to college haha

Tapas > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/25/2017 at 11:47

1

I havent tried this but I hate it already lol

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Tapas 08/25/2017 at 11:50

1

Best split between a few friends so you can all have a laugh then pour the rest down the sink haha

Tapas > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 08/25/2017 at 13:54

1

lol a hurricane’s a-comin to Houston (where I’m staying) right now and I have time on my hands. There will be many drunk antics this weekend.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Tapas 08/25/2017 at 14:10

0

Pick one up if you are at a liquor store!